Fanboy Soul

I'm just an aged fanboy from a faraway land
Never went to any cons till now, don't know these big name fen
I have never talked to authors I have read for all my life
Even though I've just turned thirty and divorced my first wife

I've got a decent paying job and responsibilities
But inside me's still the little kid that trembles at the knees
Meeting Bova or Greg Benford, or Forrest J Ackerman
Harlan Ellison would send me straight into la-la land

But I've got to keep my dignity
I've got to keep my cool
'Cuz it's really not so pretty
When I drool
Though I've worshipped them for ages they must never really know
Just how much they've touched this aged fanboy's fanboy soul

So I move among the famous trying hard just not to stare
Even asking for their handshakes is a task that I don't dare
I would stutter and I'd stammer and they'd think I was a jerk
Best to walk by nonchalantly and then double back and lurk

God, I've just become a stalker
Can't I shake off this malaise?
Try to get rid of this goddamn
Childish phase?
I'll just go right up to meet them, head up high and casual stroll
Though inside I'm sweating buckets into my fanboy soul


I'll hold myself together
And try to weather the brunt of their fame
Pretend it doesn't matter
And hope that I remember my name

Now I've talked to some of my heroes and it really was a treat
They're impressed I've come from faraway, they say it's kind of neat
But although I'll never really lose that child-like sense of awe
What the heck, it doesn't matter, this is just what fandom's for!

So I've kept my grown-up dignity
I've kept my grown-up cool
And I've managed not to throw up
Or to drool
But inside I'm still that kid who'll never manage to grow old
And I'll treasure all these feelings deep inside this fanboy soul

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