When I Was A Boy *Sob*

When I was a boy one fine summer
I had an infection you know
My throat was both swollen and painful
With a fever so high I could glow
The doctor said, "Son let's just cut it,
"We'll cure all the swelling and stress."
And I went to the hospital nervous
Never thinking I'd leave in a dress

Now I walk twenty miles to the office
In high heels - uphill - both ways
In short skirts in summer and winter
Remembering the good old days
When women meant more than my mother
And erection sets more than just toys
And I peed standing up in a toilet
When I was a boy

When I was a boy down in pre-op
It all seemed quite normal, you see
For I thought they'd be yanking my tonsils
Or so they'd explained it to me
Who knew that they'd mix up my papers
And send me three rooms down the hall
Where another procedure was prepping
And the surgeons would soon have a ball

So they gave me the cut that was harshest
And my jewels they put in a jar
Now I'm sitting alone and dejected
And desperately needing a bra
I used to be strapping and manly
And my trouser snake gave me such joy
Now it sits on a shelf with my mem'ries
Of when I was a boy

When I was a boy I remember
My voice was a bass baritone
And now I'm just singing soprano
And no more will I have a bone
So I'll carry my balls in a bucket
And show it around to the lads
And tell them the terrible story
Of how they just snipped off my 'nads

And I'll walk twenty miles to the office
In high heels - uphill - both ways
In short skirts in summer and winter
Remembering the good old days
When women still played on my organ
And I had no need to be coy
When makeup and dresses were a waste of my time
When I was a boy

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