Banned From Arkham

We wandered into Arkham in the Spring of '32
Searching for some fun and games at Miskatonic U.
We went into the Library - we were a studious crowd
But nobody had said we weren't supposed to read aloud

(Well, they should have *told* us something!)

And now we're banned from Arkham one and all
Banned for answering Cthulhu's siren call
We made a little boo-boo - well, more like three or four
Now Arkham doesn't want us anymore

Old Howard was the best of us, he really did mean well
He flipped the pages of the book to find a different spell
To try and shut the gates of Hell he found an ancient curse
But he couldn't read Arabic and so it came out in reverse

(Oops.)

And now we're banned from Arkham, that is that
When the Dark Young went and stamped the Mayor flat
We really didn't mean to do it, but they all got sore
Now Arkham doesn't want us anymore

Clark Ashton summoned up his courage, went to face the foe
We scraped up what was left of him after a week or so
Frank Belknap ran behind a storeroom door and threw the latch
Then the angles started changing and he heard a voice say 'Fetch'.

(Here doggie doggie!)

And now we're banned from Arkham, that's the law
'Cause the Hounds of Tindalos pooped on the floor
The ghouls began their rampage as they trampled through the town
Now Arkham says that we can't hang around

The shoggoths poured out through the doorway to Eternity
The trail of goo they left behind was quite a sight to see
But it wasn't their appearances that made us start to choke
It's only that those shoggoths kept on telling knock-knock jokes

(Let me give you an example. Knock Knock.
Who's there? Cthul. Cthul Who? See What I mean?)

And now we're banned from Arkham, them's the rules
Banned from Arkham just for being goddamn fools
The Deep Ones called up Dagon - who looked just like a toad
Then Arkham told us all to hit the road


Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more - what'd I say?
Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more

Bobby Bloch decided that the best course was to flee
But the King In Yellow put a stop to that immediately
Hastur came, with Mi-Go flying round him at his feet
It only needed one more guy to make the day complete

(You *know* who I'm talking about, don't you?)

And now we're banned from Arkham, that's for sure
When we saw R'lyeh rising on the Miskatonic shore
A tentacle snagged August but we didn't really mind
We looked back and saw Arkham filled with slime

(Here he comes)

Cthulhu finally made his debut on that bloody night
Devouring folks like sushi rolls while roaring with delight
His tentacles were gleaming with an incandescent light
We decided that we'd seen enough and bid Arkham goodnight

(Adios, amigos! See you later, alligator... like things)

And now we're banned from Arkham but by choice
Now that everything is curiously quite moist
They sifted through the ruins but there wasn't much to see
Now Arkham is a distant memory

And now we're banned from Arkham, what a shame
Banned for calling He Who Is Not To Be Named
Those of us who lived to tell the tale were nervous wrecks
But we're resting in a town called Innsmouth next!

(Gee, what big eyes you have!)


(Anyone smell anything fishy?)

home


news     journal     writing     me     filk     truth