Banned From Arkham

Lyrics 1999 by Terence Chua
(to the tune of "Banned From Argo" by Leslie Fish)
Live at Worldcon MP3 (approx 5.8 MB)

We wandered into Arkham in the Spring of '32
Searching for some fun and games at Miskatonic U.
We went into the Library - we were a studious crowd
But nobody had said we weren't supposed to read aloud

Old Howard was the best of us, he really did mean well
He flipped the pages of the book to find a different spell
To try and shut the gates of Hell he found an ancient curse
But he couldn't read Arabic and so it came out in reverse

Clark Ashton summoned up his courage, went to face the foe
We scraped up what was left of him after a week or so
Frank Belknap ran behind a storeroom door and threw the latch
Then the angles started changing and he heard a voice say 'Fetch'.

The shoggoths poured out through the doorway to Eternity
The trail of goo they left behind was quite a sight to see
But it wasn't their appearances that made us start to choke
It's only that those shoggoths kept on telling knock-knock jokes

Bobby Bloch decided that the best course was to flee
But the King In Yellow put a stop to that immediately
Hastur came, with Mi-Go flying round him at his feet
It only needed one more guy to make the day complete

Cthulhu finally made his debut on that bloody night
Devouring folks like sushi rolls while roaring with delight
His tentacles were gleaming with an incandescent light
We decided that we'd seen enough and bid Arkham goodnight

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